OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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