I'm going to jail i love you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
