I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
