To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
