the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
third nipple confirmed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
