My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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