Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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