Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
