so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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