At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
