i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
