Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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