Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
