don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
