did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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