Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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