So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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