think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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