Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
