so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're like the curious george of whores
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
