yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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