Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
