At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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