I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
