I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
