why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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