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chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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