Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.