you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
