It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.