tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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