I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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