I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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