i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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