I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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