no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
