We're facebook friends in real life
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
