i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My penis needs a shock collar
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
