im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
