I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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