The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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