I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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