actually, I'm a sock model
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
