I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
