Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
