I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
