i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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