I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
