I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
