She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
