i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
