guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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