Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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