omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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