I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
