Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, beer. Big fan.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
