Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
