I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I understand Curling. That high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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