her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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