Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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