How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
