I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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