Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
