If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
