I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
