my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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