last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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