Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
