Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
