i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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